I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
