The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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