I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
