my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
