First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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