you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
BRING THE BAGELS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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