I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is Oprah even human
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
