im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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