did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i've created a new STD.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
