You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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