i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
