She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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