guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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