how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
