Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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