Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
