I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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