mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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