you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
