well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
