i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got inside last night via doggy door
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
