So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she peed on how many people?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
