He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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