Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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