I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize