You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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