i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
