i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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