I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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