Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize