the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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