Duck Duck Cougar?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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