none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
