What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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