Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize