apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
