Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
