i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
