I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
