Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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