just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
