my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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