i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
