Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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