You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
