I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
too bad you live with your parents still
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
