Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
