I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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