I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
