She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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