wanna go halves on a baby?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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