Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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