Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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