Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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