North Korea, Best Korea!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
