I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
