final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
