Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
