just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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