I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
