drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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