So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
