dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
