theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have post one night stand depression
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
