Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
