Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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