I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
