Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
