I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
