just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
