Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
