he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
