ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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