She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
