i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
