u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
