he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize