doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
