There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
