soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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